Friday, June 12, 2015

Losing My Religion

I’ve got a little hothead in my blood.

My dad was a hothead. His dad was a hothead. And I’m sure you could scan through our Scottish bloodline and find a few others to add to the list.

But thank God, one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control: "The Spirit produces the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23 NCV). 

I love loving on people. I’m pretty good at patience and peace. But self-control, that last-listed fruit of the Spirit, is one that I’m still growing.

And when someone attacks my kids or my Christianity, well, that fruit rots and falls flat off the vine.

Like recently.

It doesn’t matter who did what. But I lost it. I said things I shouldn’t have. Loudly. Angrily. Lacking self-control.

Sure, I stomped back over there and apologized. But it was too late. I couldn’t erase those words. No matter how truthful they were. (Okay. See. I’m still working on it.)

When things cooled down, my husband turned to my ten-year-old son. “What were you doing while we were over there?”

He slowly shook his head and smiled. “I was praying.”

“Ethan, really. What were you doing?”

The smile disappeared. “I was praying! Praying that everything would turn out all right.”

And that’s when the fruit of gentleness knocked me in the head. Those sweet words from my living, breathing, ten-year ministry were a much needed, grace-soaked reminder. Even in those moments when I completely lose my fruit, the seeds that I’ve planted will stand strong and continue to grow.

And maybe, just maybe, the occasional rotten fruit will help to fertilize those seeds.

Because our God gets it. He’s amazing like that.

What fruits are you trying to grow? And when does your fruit fall flat?

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